Saturday, June 17, 2006
i'm fucking bored . :/
today feels so much like a weekday or a sunday can . ugh . i like stayed at home the whole damn day , if you wanna count going to violin going out . was actually supposed ta go meet karchian at 12.30 for church , but in the end i decided not to go . sorry kar !
wad the fuck's a saturday if i cannot go out and spend the day with my darling .. :/
i've got fucking homework not done and only one pathetic week left of holidays . ugh . if imran's still our form teacher next yr i think i'll just stab myself on the first day of sku . -prays .
and those string practices . life's much better when occ doesnt come . like yesterday . oh joy , the whole mep workroom was like empty . hurray .
i'm miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him . :/
one more week's our 3rd month and 12 more days to our 100th day . : D i never knew i'd last tis long with a guy, and will actually love a guy so much before . all those past messed up relationships brought me down so much , i never actually thought i'd recover from them . now all i care about is him being happy and that i'll be able to be with him all the way . i finally understand why people say when there's true love nothing matters except him and only him .
chel called just now and told me that him and the rest are going to open another chalet next wk and all . den he msged me to tell me why and stuffs . ugh . i really wanna go , cos i know if i dut go he'll be disappointed and all . he says it'll be alright if i can't make it . he says he's used to it . but now that i think about it , what exactly is the thing that he's used to ? i dut wan him to get used to being sad . i really wanna spend time with him . cos when i'm with him , i feel like the more blessed person in the world .
i used to be able to go out everyday . i came home happy , slept peacefully , and was able to wake up carefreely , contented with all that i have . and now ? i can't even go out on a regular basis . and why ? cos of my mother . she says she wants to make up all the time she has missed out when i was young , cos she was working and all that . she says she doesnt want to make the same mistake with my brother .
i really dut get it . wad is wrong with my brother now ? not much . except the fact that he hasnt recovered from his stroke , he's still a happy-go-lucky guy who knows exactly what he wants and will do all that it takes to get it . except that he can a real bad temper asshole at times , he usually brings laughter to everyone around him . ugh please , if that's wad u call a mistake , i dunnoe what else is right .
where exactly was she , all the times when i was growing up . where was she , when i first learned how to walk and all that ? i'm not blaming her . i know she strives to work and work and work . my lessons are all that are expensive , and she has to pay for them . but have i asked for anything more ? i dut think so . all i ask is that she just grants me my freedom and stop messing up my life .
mivio says she'll call tml and help me ask my ma if i can stay over . she says its her bdae chalet or smth .
-prays
Lord , please help me .
okay , this is sucha long post . i dunnoe why i'm doing this either . maybe i'll delete this later .
byebye .
LAOGONG I REALLY LOVE YOU /
8:33 PM
music is my life
